Adultery is the single biggest hurdle that any couple can face. Thatís because it involves a betrayal of trust, and trust is the cornerstone of any good relationship.
When your partner cheats with your best friend it can be even more devastating because the betrayal is multiplied by two.
So how do you deal with a situation that is so hurtful?
The first step is to take a deep breath and relax
Donít deny yourself the feelings that you are experiencing, as they are perfectly natural, but you also donít want to lash out when youíre in a highly emotional state. That can just lead to even worse feelings and complicate matters rather than helping. You need to take time to process what has happened before you take any steps towards resolving it.
Thatís probably the hardest step of all since itís human nature to want to immediately strike back. But bear in mind that this kind of reaction will not be good for anyone, least of all you.
Find an understanding shoulder to lean on, whether a family member or friend, and let out what youíre feeling, but distance yourself from your partner and your best friend for the time being.
Once you have processed your initial emotional response, then you can begin to consider exactly what you want to do next
If the relationship still means something to you and you want to try and save it, then youíll have to approach your partner and see if you can find a way to mend that broken trust. As painful as the whole situation may be, it may still be possible to save your relationship but it will take a lot of work on both your parts.
Mending your relationship with your best friend may be even trickier
In fact, it may be impossible to repair that bond. If you do want to salvage your relationship with your partner, then you may need to put some distance between you and your friend permanently if you donít feel that you can regain the trust you once had.
If you decide that your relationship with your partner is beyond saving, then you should distance yourself from both of them as quickly as possible so that they get the message loud and clear. Leaving any room for doubt could just leave you open to even more trouble. Let your partner know, quickly and clearly, exactly how you feel and donít back down.
Once you start down the road to reconciliation, if thatís your choice, take things slowly and donít feel that you have to accept everything he says. If something makes you uncomfortable, tell him.
Remember, heís the one who betrayed your trust, so itís up to him to work at earning it back. You donít owe him anything, he owes you.
Donít, however, hold his infidelity over his head forever
If you choose to take him back, you must forgive him. Itís not fair to continue the relationship if youíre going to make him feel guilty about cheating for the rest of your lives together. If you canít see past his unfaithfulness, rather take a break from the relationship to reassess.
It can be devastating to find out that your partner has cheated with your best friend but it doesnít have to be the end of the world. Remember that you can survive this. Rebuild or break it off and start over; the choice is yours. You just need to stay strong and decide just how much your relationship really means to you.