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He was abused - will he be abusive too?
You’ve been in a committed relationship for a while now and you are totally in love with your partner and want to start a life with him. There’s just one problem - his background.

He comes from an abusive home and while you respect the fact that he is a considerate and well adjusted person, you’re worried about the lasting affects that the abuse might have had on him.

He comes from an abusive home - will he be an abusive parent?

There are several factors that will help determine whether or not your partner has abusive tendencies

These depend on the type of abuse he suffered, whether he received any support for the abuse, and how long the abuse continued. Although statistics do show that those who were abused as children can become abusers themselves, there’s more to it than numbers.

Did he receive counselling?

If your partner was abused by a parent and the abuse went on for many years then he may have trouble realising that the abuse wasn’t ‘normal’, and that it’s not a part of a healthy home.

On the other hand, if he received counselling or other types of support for the abuse then this might not be an issue. The amount of support he received plays a huge factor in this.

Abuse due to addiction

If your partner’s abuser was abusive due to an addiction problem, then it’s possible that your partner might be pre-conditioned to the same addiction. This could be a very real concern, and if so, it could be important that your partner stay away from alcohol or other stimulants that might trigger addiction.

The environment in which a child grows up generally dictates the kind of environment that they seek to create as adults. That’s why it’s important to give children stable, loving homes. For those who are abused, however, the home life ideal can be skewed.

Talk about it

If you have real concerns about your partner’s attitude and actions toward your future children then this is something that you need to discuss before you take your relationship any further. Joint counselling for both of you might be warranted in this situation.

It’s also important to add, however, that not all victims of abuse go on to become abusers themselves. Many victims of abuse go on to become wonderful parents with healthy, loving relationships with both their children and their spouses. In fact, most victims of abuse go on to have healthy relationships with those who love them.

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