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How to deal with an obsessed ex lover
The relationship may be over, but your ex is not moving on! Here's how to make it clear to him that there's no going back.

1. Be direct

Sometimes you need to be assertive to get your point across. Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner or boyfriend is trying to break up with you whilst using flowery language? Well, you end up confused, so avoid making this mistake. Speak clearly, and use simple terms for him to understand.

2. Be kind but remain firm

Be forthright and committed to your decision to break up with him, but be kind - there's no point in hurting him unnecessarily. Do not, however, allow your kindness to be mistaken for acceptance of his behaviour. Having an obsessive and controlling ex-lover may be stressful and scary, but you cannot allow yourself to be manipulated in any way.

3. Tell friends and family what is happening, especially friends you have in common

Exiting a relationship is stressful, but friends and family members will be your support group, and could help should there be a stalking issue. Be wary, however, of friends the two of you have in common - couples often take sides where break-ups are concerned.

4. Avoid contact with him

Do not continue to communicate with him after you've told him it's over and asked him to leave you alone. This will only send him mixed messages. Be steadfast in your decision. If he persists in contacting you, try and make him accept that it really is over, and that you will not change your mind.

5. If he continues, notify him that you might take action

Sometimes the threat of legal action may deter him, and help him realize the futility of his actions.

6. If he persists even after that, call the police or take legal action

Apply for a restraining order against him. If he breaks the restraining order, call the police for advice and protection to take care of the immediate situation. It might be necessary to get legal help if the situation continues.

Finally, try not to feel bad for leaving him - the decision could not have been taken lightly and you obviously had good reasons.

Warning - Stalking

If your ex-lover begins to stalk you, try to get guidance from a trusted friend or family member. If the stalking continues and you feel threatened, take legal action immediately - do not hesitate. Stalkers are frequently angry, irrational, and misdirected, and could well be extremely dangerous.

If you enter a new relationship while being stalked by your ex-lover, then discuss the situation with your new man. Warn him to be vigilant and that he could be putting himself in danger simply by being involved with you.

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