Menu
Psychology articles
Why divorcees make great partners
Is your relationship past its expiry date?
What does it mean if he keeps photos of his ex?
Is your man in love with you?
Perfume as a seduction tool
Facebook and divorce
How to mend a broken heart
The thin line between love and hate
12 things men think we know
How to deal with a bipolar family member
4 signs that you're too dependent on your partner
Get serious - not serial
Is he more likely to cheat during pregnancy?
Are you a love addict?
Surviving sports fever
EX-cruciating exes
The friends you don't want
The key to a balanced relationship
Does your man have ďPeter PanĒ syndrome?
Five tips to get out of a relationship rut
Get married, stay married, live longer
Together for love or convenience?
How to be your own best friend
Staying sane when living with family
Help, I'm afraid to leave my abusive man
Did you just read that headline and think, ďAlthough my man is constantly humiliating and devaluating me, at least heís not physically abusing me, I donít have to read thisĒ?

STOP right there! Donít be blind to his mistakes - an abusive relationship entails far more than physical violence. In contrast, words can sometimes hurt far more than physical violence; leaving you with nothing but emotional scars.

Why do women stay with abusive men?

Whether they are physical or emotional scars, donít let him scar you for the rest of your life. There may be a lot of reasons for your considering to stay with him, such as the fear of being alone, the fear of change, the comfort of the familiar vs. the fear of the unknown, financial reasons, children or simply because youíre scared of him.

You know what heís capable of and youíre scared of what he might do if you leave him. Do the above reasons sound familiar? Are you struggling to leave him? Then consider the following advice to escape the toxic circumstances by ending the relationship for good.

Maybe he will get better...

We often tell ourselves that he will change or that things will get better (in the hope that they will), and we also tend to make excuses for his behaviour. The harsh truth is that things wonít get better; in fact, they will likely only get worse and the possibility of him changing...well, donít get your hopes up.

Being unhappy in your primary relationship affects every area of your life: physical and mental, health, career and other relationships. Even though youíve acknowledged the fact that heís abusing you, to break up with him isnít easy, especially if youíve been with him for a few years. But just remember, itís often necessary for your health, emotional state and safety.

Want to leave him? Hereís how...

Not sure how to leave him for good? Well, consider the following five steps outlined in Livestrong.com: In the first instance, you have to know the tactics of abusers. An abuser tends to belittle your accomplishments, insult you, or make jokes that embarrass you.

He may show signs of possessiveness and be inexplicably jealous of your friends. Abusers generally appear to be friendly and charming to other people, but as soon as the two of you are alone, heís the opposite.

An abuser may blame you for his angry outbursts and demand sex at inappropriate times or whenever he feels like it. He may also threaten you with violence or actually be physically violent towards you.

Acknowledge it!

The second step states that you have to acknowledge the abuse and resolve to end it. You may feel too guilty and ashamed to seek help or worry that he will become even more violent if you try to leave, but be compassionate towards yourself.

In your circumstances, itís crucial to make yourself number one, you owe it to yourself to get out of the relationship as quickly as you can.

Go to a safe place

Thirdly, itís of absolute importance to seek safety, especially if youíre scared of what he might do if you leave him. Once youíve decided to leave him, do it and get it over with. Then try to find somewhere safe and secure to stay (somewhere he wouldnít suspect you to be), like a family member or an old friend who is on your side.

If heís too familiar with your friends, family and where they stay, consider leaving town for a few days, taking nothing along but your clothes - no technology that will enable him to make contact!

Resist the urge to contact him

Itís crucial that you stay away from him and break any form of contact. You may be tempted to contact him or friends of his in order to find out about him and what heís been up to. Resist those urges by changing your phone number, email address and remove him from all social networks like Facebook and BBM. If he shows up at the door, have someone else tell him to leave.

In a worst case scenario, you may need to file a restraining order against him. Yes, this may sound a little drastic, but itís for your own safety.

Get professional help

Abusive relationships leave wounds that do not heal just because the relationship ends. Thatís why the last step explains that itís very important to seek counselling and therapy in order help you to come to terms with feelings of guilt or shame. You will need to strengthen your belief in yourself and accept that you deserve better than him - you deserve true happiness.

Be proactive

So now that you know you donít deserve to be in an abusive relationship, but rather with someone who wonít hit you, insult you, devalue or embarrass you, take the abovementioned steps into consideration and let go of him before itís too late. Be proactive and prevent yourself from becoming a part of women abuse statistics.

Print
How to have a fight-free holiday
How to deal with an obsessed ex lover
Living together before marriage
WIN! with The Bedroom!
She asked ME to marry HER...
How to identify an abusive relationship
Help, I'm afraid to leave my abusive man
When jealousy turns scary
Dealing with a jealous sister-in-law
Make your partner feel special
The tao of relationships
WIN! with Virgin Pleasures!
Relationships: the chemistry myth
When your partner has intimacy issues
The art of letting go
Relationships 101
How to cope with a moody partner
Relationships: cutting the ties
Sexy Ever After
Why is he different around his friends?
Friends like these...
I want kids but my partner doesn't
Relationships: making it work
Relationships: weathering the storms
A 30-somethingís take on dating
What we can learn from men
The Ex-Files
How to handle a toxic friend
Menu
How to handle a bragging friend
When your mother-in-law moves in
Frogs or princes?
Are you qualified for a relationship?
At what age should you get married?
Help! He cheated with my best friend
Lies men tell us
10 Signs heís a keeper
Why married women have affairs
Guy friends: the other kind of boyfriend
Are you involved with a narcissist?
Women's surnames - keep hers? Take his?
Can you have too many friends?
What DO men want?
Helping a friend through cancer
Bonding activities for couples
How to get more help at home...
Help! I think he might be gay
How to help a suicidal friend
Five little white lies we tell men
How to know when itís time to go
He was abused - will he be abusive too?
I kissed a girl
Should you take an ex back?