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Help, I'm afraid to leave my abusive man
Did you just read that headline and think, “Although my man is constantly humiliating and devaluating me, at least he’s not physically abusing me, I don’t have to read this”?

STOP right there! Don’t be blind to his mistakes - an abusive relationship entails far more than physical violence. In contrast, words can sometimes hurt far more than physical violence; leaving you with nothing but emotional scars.

Why do women stay with abusive men?

Whether they are physical or emotional scars, don’t let him scar you for the rest of your life. There may be a lot of reasons for your considering to stay with him, such as the fear of being alone, the fear of change, the comfort of the familiar vs. the fear of the unknown, financial reasons, children or simply because you’re scared of him.

You know what he’s capable of and you’re scared of what he might do if you leave him. Do the above reasons sound familiar? Are you struggling to leave him? Then consider the following advice to escape the toxic circumstances by ending the relationship for good.

Maybe he will get better...

We often tell ourselves that he will change or that things will get better (in the hope that they will), and we also tend to make excuses for his behaviour. The harsh truth is that things won’t get better; in fact, they will likely only get worse and the possibility of him changing...well, don’t get your hopes up.

Being unhappy in your primary relationship affects every area of your life: physical and mental, health, career and other relationships. Even though you’ve acknowledged the fact that he’s abusing you, to break up with him isn’t easy, especially if you’ve been with him for a few years. But just remember, it’s often necessary for your health, emotional state and safety.

Want to leave him? Here’s how...

Not sure how to leave him for good? Well, consider the following five steps outlined in In the first instance, you have to know the tactics of abusers. An abuser tends to belittle your accomplishments, insult you, or make jokes that embarrass you.

He may show signs of possessiveness and be inexplicably jealous of your friends. Abusers generally appear to be friendly and charming to other people, but as soon as the two of you are alone, he’s the opposite.

An abuser may blame you for his angry outbursts and demand sex at inappropriate times or whenever he feels like it. He may also threaten you with violence or actually be physically violent towards you.

Acknowledge it!

The second step states that you have to acknowledge the abuse and resolve to end it. You may feel too guilty and ashamed to seek help or worry that he will become even more violent if you try to leave, but be compassionate towards yourself.

In your circumstances, it’s crucial to make yourself number one, you owe it to yourself to get out of the relationship as quickly as you can.

Go to a safe place

Thirdly, it’s of absolute importance to seek safety, especially if you’re scared of what he might do if you leave him. Once you’ve decided to leave him, do it and get it over with. Then try to find somewhere safe and secure to stay (somewhere he wouldn’t suspect you to be), like a family member or an old friend who is on your side.

If he’s too familiar with your friends, family and where they stay, consider leaving town for a few days, taking nothing along but your clothes - no technology that will enable him to make contact!

Resist the urge to contact him

It’s crucial that you stay away from him and break any form of contact. You may be tempted to contact him or friends of his in order to find out about him and what he’s been up to. Resist those urges by changing your phone number, email address and remove him from all social networks like Facebook and BBM. If he shows up at the door, have someone else tell him to leave.

In a worst case scenario, you may need to file a restraining order against him. Yes, this may sound a little drastic, but it’s for your own safety.

Get professional help

Abusive relationships leave wounds that do not heal just because the relationship ends. That’s why the last step explains that it’s very important to seek counselling and therapy in order help you to come to terms with feelings of guilt or shame. You will need to strengthen your belief in yourself and accept that you deserve better than him - you deserve true happiness.

Be proactive

So now that you know you don’t deserve to be in an abusive relationship, but rather with someone who won’t hit you, insult you, devalue or embarrass you, take the abovementioned steps into consideration and let go of him before it’s too late. Be proactive and prevent yourself from becoming a part of women abuse statistics.

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