Did you just read that headline and think, ďAlthough my man is constantly humiliating and devaluating me, at least heís not physically abusing me, I donít have to read thisĒ?
STOP right there! Donít be blind to his mistakes - an abusive relationship entails far more than physical violence. In contrast, words can sometimes hurt far more than physical violence; leaving you with nothing but emotional scars.
Why do women stay with abusive men?
Whether they are physical or emotional scars, donít let him scar you for the rest of your life. There may be a lot of reasons for your considering to stay with him, such as the fear of being alone, the fear of change, the comfort of the familiar vs. the fear of the unknown, financial reasons, children or simply because youíre scared of him.
You know what heís capable of and youíre scared of what he might do if you leave him. Do the above reasons sound familiar? Are you struggling to leave him? Then consider the following advice to escape the toxic circumstances by ending the relationship for good.
Maybe he will get better...
We often tell ourselves that he will change or that things will get better (in the hope that they will), and we also tend to make excuses for his behaviour. The harsh truth is that things wonít get better; in fact, they will likely only get worse and the possibility of him changing...well, donít get your hopes up.
Being unhappy in your primary relationship affects every area of your life: physical and mental, health, career and other relationships. Even though youíve acknowledged the fact that heís abusing you, to break up with him isnít easy, especially if youíve been with him for a few years. But just remember, itís often necessary for your health, emotional state and safety.
Want to leave him? Hereís how...
Not sure how to leave him for good? Well, consider the following five steps outlined in Livestrong.com: In the first instance, you have to know the tactics of abusers. An abuser tends to belittle your accomplishments, insult you, or make jokes that embarrass you.
He may show signs of possessiveness and be inexplicably jealous of your friends. Abusers generally appear to be friendly and charming to other people, but as soon as the two of you are alone, heís the opposite.
An abuser may blame you for his angry outbursts and demand sex at inappropriate times or whenever he feels like it. He may also threaten you with violence or actually be physically violent towards you.
The second step states that you have to acknowledge the abuse and resolve to end it. You may feel too guilty and ashamed to seek help or worry that he will become even more violent if you try to leave, but be compassionate towards yourself.
In your circumstances, itís crucial to make yourself number one, you owe it to yourself to get out of the relationship as quickly as you can.
Go to a safe place
Thirdly, itís of absolute importance to seek safety, especially if youíre scared of what he might do if you leave him. Once youíve decided to leave him, do it and get it over with. Then try to find somewhere safe and secure to stay (somewhere he wouldnít suspect you to be), like a family member or an old friend who is on your side.
If heís too familiar with your friends, family and where they stay, consider leaving town for a few days, taking nothing along but your clothes - no technology that will enable him to make contact!
Resist the urge to contact him
Itís crucial that you stay away from him and break any form of contact. You may be tempted to contact him or friends of his in order to find out about him and what heís been up to. Resist those urges by changing your phone number, email address and remove him from all social networks like Facebook and BBM. If he shows up at the door, have someone else tell him to leave.
In a worst case scenario, you may need to file a restraining order against him. Yes, this may sound a little drastic, but itís for your own safety.
Get professional help
Abusive relationships leave wounds that do not heal just because the relationship ends. Thatís why the last step explains that itís very important to seek counselling and therapy in order help you to come to terms with feelings of guilt or shame. You will need to strengthen your belief in yourself and accept that you deserve better than him - you deserve true happiness.
So now that you know you donít deserve to be in an abusive relationship, but rather with someone who wonít hit you, insult you, devalue or embarrass you, take the abovementioned steps into consideration and let go of him before itís too late. Be proactive and prevent yourself from becoming a part of women abuse statistics.