Psychology articles
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Is your relationship past its expiry date?
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Is your man in love with you?
Perfume as a seduction tool
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EX-cruciating exes
The friends you don't want
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Get married, stay married, live longer
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The art of letting go
Letting go of the old and stepping into something new is one of the most difficult things in life. This is especially true when it comes to relationships...

What is tragic in many cases is the scores of women who find themselves in less than ideal, even abusive, relationships, but for some strange reason find themselves unable to walk away from the situation. It's no mystery, and as the tried and trusted saying goes, "the truth will set you free".

So what is this mysterious force that keeps us from stepping out?

In two words it is, simply, the comfort zone. It's the same for everyone; you start entertaining the thought of getting out and all of a sudden you’re flooded with feelings of fear, anxiety, perhaps nausea, and extreme emotional discomfort. So you decide that it would be simpler just to stay put as the pain of change is seemingly greater than the pain of staying where you are.

Unfortunately, it has been my experience that it is only when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of change that the change is made. For those of you who are at this point, the change is relatively easy, but for those of you who aren't, staying seems the easier thing to do.

So here's the deal: in your brain there is a collection of nuclei known as the amygdala. This is the home of the psycho-cybernetic system; its purpose is to keep you in your comfort zone. The moment you even consider stepping beyond your border, it instructs the hypothalamus to flood you with hormones causing all kinds of crazy feelings. So we are resistant to change by nature.

So if change is so necessary, how on earth do we do it?

It depends on the situation, in some cases it is simple - GET OUT! But, the thing is that it's the really big changes that tend to scare us, so the trick is to break down that really big change into lots of little, not so scary steps - and then to simply follow them.

We don't initially like taking smaller steps though; they don't look like the really big change that we need, so we don't even bother to look for them. If you want to make a really big change in your life, in your relationship, then this is the best way to do it.

Make the change too big and you will freeze, so make lots of little changes that will add up to the really big change that you need. This is how you can defeat the trap of the comfort zone.

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