So the decision has been made, but is there an easy way to end a relationship? In a word, no. Anthony Rockliffe offers advice to help you follow through with your decision.
Whichever way you do it, no matter what anyone says, someone is going to get hurt. It’s a loss for someone, however you slice it. Come to terms with that as quickly as you can, and you can begin the process of moving on.
There are four things that you will need to help you end a relationship: preparation, resolve, support, and a recovery plan
You need to prepare yourself for what is to come so that nothing takes you by surprise, you are about to enter a world of emotion and behaviour, you need to be prepared for whatever. Also, just leaving outright may not be the best thing to do, you may have financial issues, some couples go into debt together (buying a house) so leaving will be a process of extrication, if this is the case then make sure to have a plan and a timeline (even a deadline).
Secondly, and this will go hand in hand with preparation, you need resolve. Going on diet and giving in when the chocolate cake begs to be eaten won’t get you thin. Be prepared for the emotions and the behaviours and stick to your guns. Don’t stay because he promises to change, leave and tell him that if he changes and proves it for a year, you will reconsider.
Of course you would have to stay friends in order to verify this, so if you can part as friends then do that, but often a clean break is what is needed.
The third thing you need is a support structure, in some cases it will mean a place of safety or a place to live, or it may just mean a group of supportive friends who will back you up and help you to heal. The urge to return to your comfort zone will be strong; you will need good friends to remind you why you left.
Finally, you need a recovery plan
It is unlikely you will escape scratch free, so decide how you are going to recover; when and if you will date again; will you need to see a life coach? You need to give yourself time to mourn the relationship, and NO, jumping right into a new one is NOT the best idea, no matter how badly the gap in your heart begs to be filled.